She was honest, although impolitely dismissive (well choose to overlook that), in her response. The show notes page at rogerdooley.com/podcast will have the audio, video and text versions of this show. Reviews help others discover this podcast and I greatly appreciate them! To ask for a favor formally over email, you can follow the 11 steps below: 1. Im going to be asking them for an order or asking for another meeting or something, the last thing I want to do is put them through the effort of getting me a cup of coffee. But had Ben Franklin been around to advise me, he would have said take that cup of coffee, because it will increase the chance that your second favor will be granted. The most practical and obvious thing that would have improved this awful pitch is a sentence or two explaining why my audience would be interested in the startup. Were all going to need the help of others at points in our lives, and because of that, within respectful boundaries, its great to give favors. We tend to waffle around the point for so long because we're afraid of getting rejected. It is quite an interesting read, thanks for sharing. So what Franklin is saying is that as powerful as reciprocation is this effect may be even more powerful than that in some cases. Favors. So, here are three templates to ask for a favor in a way that lets the other person say "no" and still save face: 1. Etiquette School of America | Maralee McKee, In Funny Girl, the 1960s Broadway musical and then the movie of the same name,the world was introduced to a twenty-something then-mostly-unknown Barbara Streisand. 15. When asked near the time, theyre thinking of whats already on their calendar and the demands on their current time, money or change in schedule that your request is going to require. The Dean explained that they had fixed them up with a great office, that he had an assistant available if he needed any help with anything, that is library privileges were all set up, basically that everything that he would need had been taken care of. Ask in a private setting. Lead with your feedback request. First, youre sharing why youre qualified for the role, so your contact doesnt have to do any additional legwork. I deleted the email and forgot about it. The Ben Franklin effect is a psychological phenomenon which implies that a person feels more connected to someone who has asked him or her for a favour. But, another approach would be to allow a bit of a time gap so there seems to be less linkage between the favors. Dr Robert Cialdini described the book as, Blinding insight, and Nobel winner Dr. Richard Claimer said, Reading Friction will arm any manager with a mental can of WD40.. When you get an email where somebody asks you for something, you may agree to do it right away, or you may reject it right away, but theres also a chance that youll have to think about it because, well, youre not really sure. Find that thing you have in common, the school you both went to, the state you both lived in, whatever, just start with pointing that out. Your brain would be struggling with that, Well, I did this one favor Not consciously, of course, but unconsciously, we say, It seems quite A little bit off. So it makes it a little bit easier to say yes to the second request and eliminate that cognitive dissonance. It is doing a favor for somebody before you ask for one in return. Who knows, maybe shes having the worst morning ever. Thank them graciously if they say yes. Alexa, roll a dice. If you were complimenting them on something they perhaps, you could say that you shared it to your LinkedIn following, your Twitter following, or your email list, or you used it in a training session for your team. To my surprise, the email didnt even say what this startup was doing. You may not have to use those exact words, but what you seem to be doing is instead of creating pressure where the person is trying They know theyre going to have to make a decision, its uncomfortable for them, theyve got this cognitive load going on, you are releasing that pressure by giving them an out and that counterintuitively makes them more likely to decide in your favor. Especially in the business scenario , it is an important need for people to know the ways of asking for help. 8. What can I say in response to "Can you do me a favor?" CharmYou +1 I think "What is it?" or "What kind of favor?" is better than just "what?" I decided to forego the downbeat subject of dying women and the overly optimistic approach of telling everyone that even $1 can make a difference. Asking a Favor Could / Would you do me a favor? 2. I would have had to open an attachment to find out. Let me give you a simpler example, and I have to say that I first presented this at a conference where subsequently I learned that Robert Cialdini was going to be in the audience. One very practical benefit of doing things in person is that theres a little bit more likelihood that the person that you are asking will not simply defer a decision. Dont burn bridges over this. We should grab coffee sometime. Sure, it might be inconvenient, and we might regret it at the time were doing it, but over the years, all the good we do will come back to us. And when youre using these techniques, you can stack them. Here are seven of my favorite ways to maximize your chances of a favorable outcome: One of Robert Cialdinis seven principles of influence is reciprocation. His research and that of other scientists shows that if you do someone a favor first, they are more likely to reciprocate. He needed a favor from a political rival and rather than coming out and asking him for that favor, which he knew would not likely to be granted, instead he requested an uncommon book from this persons library. Often, these have the feel of a mass mailing with a couple of personalized fields in the mail merge. If youve ever had a salesperson meet with you, they may well say something nice about you because theyve learned this works. Votes: 1 Kevin Mitnick When I was in college at Amherst, my father asked me a favor: to take one course in economics. You got a minute? Second, it shares why youd like to connect with the person in question (because your contact may want to check with them first). Your email address will not be published. Here are eight funny, different ways to say yes to a yes/no question: 01 "You got it, chief!" This is a good response to use when a friend or relative asks you for a favor. When asking someone for a favor almost always an activity that's at least a little bit awkward it can be tempting to hide behind the safety of your email: No need to see the other person's face as you make the ask, or to hear the sting of immediate rejection with your own ears. Nevertheless, they did have a significant impact on the amount of the tip, they established that reciprocation. Tell me the magical words. 3. It's really nice. You probably know that asking a distant contact to grab coffee to pick your brain is an often-declined request. I hope you're doing well. People who need people, Are the luckiest people in the world, The lyricists were right: when you understand that none of us are going to get happily through this world without needing other people, you are one of the luckiest people in the world.. Share her content on social media. Leave space for them to escape if they want to. What excited them enough that they forked over their hard cash? In fact, what researchers have found is that you can be more persuasive by giving the person an out, by closing your pitch with, but you are free to choose. One reason to grow your network is that when you build a relationship with someone, their contacts (theoretically) become your second-degree connections. I told her to send what she had because it was funny, unpretentious, and kind. The favors need not be equal in magnitude. 2. How to ask for a favorand get it. That way, they see that youre not trying to get out of doing something youre really stuck on one or more particular things, and thats where youre in need of their valued assistance. Help improve the show by leaving a Rating & Review in, Join the discussion for this episode in the comments section below. That approach alone will help you stand out from the spammy help seekers. How to ask for a favour in English!Ad - This video is sponsored by italki. Ask nicely, and if the answer is no, walk away with a smile and your dignity. Now we talked about how sometimes hitting them for that second favorite right away was effective and certainly worked with the Stanford Dean and Cialdini, but you arent always in a place where you can do that or a time where you can do that. Now, another interesting thing that Cialdini brought out in his newest book Pre-Suasion is that the timing of these favors can make a big difference. But if youre approaching somebody new, find out if you have perhaps a school in common, some geography in common, perhaps you both lived in the same city or state for a period of time. Then finally, you can just about always close with the BYAF approach. Its an exchange of value. If not, I totally understand. The importance of reciprocation. However, as we all know, just because you once worked with someone or follow each other on social sites, it doesnt mean youre close enough to intro them to new people. The follow-up email could have taken a totally different angle to increase the odds of hooking the reader. You can understand the worry Ill have during training if I dont find a mom like you who I completely trust to watch her., (In this case youve also laid out for her what the scenario will look like without her help. Mine's pretty good, too. 13. Listen in to learn the importance of reciprocation, why it is beneficial to identify common interests with the person you are asking a favor from, and more. But, thats not reciprocation. Her advice has been published across the web (. BTW, you look great today! Obviously if you know them you can bring some of these out in your conversation but they probably know them too. In his fascinating and insight-filled bookStumbling on Happiness, author Daniel Gilbert shares that when asked far in advance for a favor, people more often say yes. What persuasive language did he use? Your instinct when you are say trying to close a sale or trying to get the person to agree, to approve a project or whatever youre trying to do is to sort of eliminate all the other options logically, show them that your choice is by far the best and perhaps the only one they have. It's intended to help "restore faith in humanity, one slice at a time.". A friend of mine worked for a television showrunner a few years back and heard this showrunner was filming a new pilot. Asking for a favor can be scary because, in many cases, you're asking to be rejected. All Rights Reserved. Charge multiple devicesThe circular design of the power strip allows for the 15" to coil up inside the body of the productmaking it easy to wrap up and throw in a bag to take with you when traveling. When you flatter somebody, you become more likable and your message is more memorable, and so naturally its very common to pay people a compliment. Good, good. The more information they have about why youre in need of the favor, the more likely they are to help you. If youre in a bad spot and this favor is important, explain why its so important. But, if you can smoothly combine a few of them for maximum effect, your chance for success will be much greater. When you ask for help, give the person some kind of timeframe or soft deadline. Now, this seems to be a logical approach, but in fact, it does not work all that well. How do you get in on the ground floor? You know that if you meet somebody from Texas, they will explain how everything in Texas is better than whatever it is in your other state, its bigger and therefore being from Texas is more like unity than simply sharing one of the other state identities. Say thanks and make the world a better place. In short, when you ask in person youll seem more trustworthy and youll probably be surprised by how well you do. Key Resources for Roger Dooley: Now he was rather pleased with this, it was more than he expected and then the other shoe dropped. Add some forced pleasantries on top of that and you've got one crappy request for help. I mean, if you say, Ill do this for you, if you do that for me. Thats not necessarily a bad approach, maybe it will work, but it is not reciprocation, that is simply a quid pro quo. She's in the top one percent of experts in her field, and her etiquette skills blog is the most read in the United States. When you ask for a favor you should be direct, succinct, charming, andwhenever possibleentertaining. One of our professors can not teach the course that he planned to this semester, can you take it over?. Always be honest about all the reasons. Please Like and Share this post, because everyone needs to know how to ask for a favor. IoT-enabled underwear? Whatever you do, dont sound like a mail merge gone awry. 9. (Not only that, but if you always give other people an out, its less awkward when you decline a request from them that doesnt make sense on your end.). Its easy to think that they owe us (and maybe they kinda do), but actually, they dont literally owe us. One is memorable, not because it was brilliant but because it was so ineffective. Some will, but most won't. And what Franklin explained was that once someone has done one kindness for you, theyre more likely to do a second kindness for you, and he implies that its even more powerful than had you done a favor for them. The Stanford researchers found that, about 70 percent of the time, the best requests were made by people who: Demonstrated a strong need for the pizza (job or money issues, helping a family) Said . No pitiful or Please! Plus, I dont know those people. BTW, you look great today! When you impact children, for good or bad, you impact eternity. In this way, they become invested in solving the situation with you. Next, youd send a written yes, a written thank you via snail mail. Here are a few ways to do that. Learn More All related (34) Sort Recommended James O'Phelan I'm just so bad at packing, and you're so organized and together. Email is less uncomfortable, easier on the ego. Be seated. And thats OK. Just as you can choose to enjoy the gift of giving without expecting anything in return now, youll be giving others the chance to experience that gift when youre on the receiving end instead of the giving end. Look For Satisfied Customers. Hazme el paro con esto = help me out, give me a hand with this. If they are a doctor, financial planner, decorator, accountant, or counselor, or anyone else who normally is paid for advice, keep in mind that asking a question in their field is asking for a favor. How to get people to say 'Yes' to your favor question Have a 'Yes' mindset Provide a reason Try a compliance tactic Use the Rule of reciprocity If you get a 'No', respect it Example of asking for a favor professionally via email Conclusion: When you need help, ask for it Why it's important to ask for a favor? Be brief. If youre from Ohio, you have that in common with other people from Ohio or who may have lived in Ohio, but it is not part of your identity you are not in Ohioan, at least most Ohioans arent down to your very core. Let them know theyll be your hero. #Neuromarketing Click To Tweet. But use these just as Zig Ziglar explained, all these different ways to close a sale, he always felt that in his sales situation, he was getting the person to a place where they want it to be and that assisting them in that decision would be beneficial to them. Instead of saying, "I know you're busy, but would you mind doing this for me?" say something like, "I just finished building a new bookshelf, and since you're such a good carpenter, would you mind taking a look at it before I put it in the library?" If its a co-worker, or anyone really, youre asking a favor from, you can even offer suggestions as to ways you might be able to begin repaying the favor immediately. Every time you . The power of 'because' - even nonsense helps you be persuasive! A favor is a private matter. I'm hoping you could vote for me in an online contest where I can win a big prize for my work. How are you? Give them an out, let them know that your choice is a good choice, but they do not have to make that choice. Ill be happy to lay out and edit the next two monthly company newsletters as a way of saying thank you unless theres something else youd rather have me take off your hands.. While it may not always be possible to ask for a favor in person, do it if you can. I love your work and I always listen to your podcast. And this is great, but I cant always tell if they are really a true fan or if they have simply used CRM software to auto-populate their form letter with the name of my book or my blog and my podcast or something of that nature. Good manners never suggest that we allow ourselves to become a door mat. When you ask for any pointers, you avoid backing them into a cornerand you set yourself up to get the very best advice (even if you dont know what that is). 7 Ways to Get Psyched & Ace Your Performance, Wikipedia Knows What Social Proof Is, But, Cultural Frame Switching: Different Language, Different Personality. I signed up for this 5k run/walk with some friends and apparently it's to help raise money for curing women's cancers (my apologies to those of you who were hoping to cure testicular cancernot this time). Every journalist, blogger, and content creator wants good stories. }. We all love Cialdini, but the copy machine queue experiment is from Ellen Langer & oth. Allow me to share the how-to and why of each of them with you. Now, a wild way of asking for something is to provide any reason at all. Dont make bland statements that could apply to anybody. A little stalking on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram will almost surely turn up something. If you're not familiar, in the Random Acts of Pizza subreddit, people post requests for free pizza, saying things like "Spare some pizza for the lonesome security guard?" But if she does, nows the best time for you to walk away with a simple, polite, and sincere Excuse the interruption, then.. You'd like it. When it comes time for you to need favors, you might not be able to repay them all. If youre not part of the Manners Mentor Movement, join me today by subscribing and adding your name to all the others who understand that living out the Golden Rule is as important today as it ever was! But, theres a caution. A few years ago I participated in a 5k "race" to raise money for women's cancers. Bless the world by being you at your best! Do this in a very subtle way and lighthearted way. You might want to discuss the matter with two or three other trusted adults in your circle who would join you in agreeing to watch the children and befriend the parents. You show respect. I really appreciate your time and guidance. Would you be able to put the two of us in touch? As I described in Four Words That Double Persuasion, asking for a favor and then using a BYAF closing increased compliance by an average of 100% in experiments around the world. The Stanford researchers found that, about 70 percent of the time, the best requests were made by people who: "Craving" narrativese.g., asking for pizza because you want to celebrate something or hang out with friendswere more likely to be turned down, perhaps for obvious reasons (Get your own pizza, dude!). It's better to try something like this: In a Creative Mornings talk, creative thinker Simon Sinek demonstrates very clearly how the way you. Roger Dooley is the author of Friction and Brainfluence. Its easy to feel entitled. Approach the right person at an appropriate time to ask for a favor. Whenever possible, ask for favors from others in person. First things first, if you wouldnt meet with them for coffee socially, knock that option off the list and instead jump straight to asking the person to hop on a phone call. As you explain your need for the favor, ask whether they have any suggestions for you. Its not a solo journey. And by ethical, that means that you should be getting the person to a better place. And then you may, depending on the situation, be able to use reciprocation. Thank you for tuning into this episode of Brainfluence. But, the ploy may still get you to choose a more expensive bottle. Think about the last time someone asked a favor of you. If I can answer any questions, you can email me at [emailprotected]. Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: byaf, favors, guy kawasaki, liking, reciprocation, Robert Cialdini, Unity. Try it yourself with these amazing questions-. The interesting thing about this approach is that the favors do not have to be equivalent in magnitude sometimes a very small initial favor by you get you a much larger favor in return. There are people who, through your experience, you know abuse your good nature and ask for favor after favor after favor without any appreciation. As you may know, Ive worked in management for over five years at [Your Current Company], where I [oversee a team of 12 people or some other relevant info]. After the request was granted, their relations thawed and they became lasting friends. Even though you have a first-choice person to ask, have a backup person or two in mind. And when youre using these techniques, let me remind you, please do them in a way that helps the other person, not manipulates them. Now the value of these mints in comparison to the total bill or even the amount of the tip is negligible. Need a favor? Ask instead of being entitled. (Sorry.). Everyone likes to feel good, but when you want something you have to be very careful about how you employ your allure. You can find all the versions of this podcast, show notes, links, et cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast. Asking for the advice over coffee or a meal doesnt cut it, because the amount youre treating them doesnt equal what they charge hourly. Any questions, you can they want to of Brainfluence, Robert Cialdini, Unity do you get in the... In solving the situation with you a mail merge to increase the odds of hooking the reader,! Be able to repay them all few years ago I participated in a bad spot this! Ask nicely, and kind an appropriate time to ask, have first-choice! Kinda do ), in her response me to Share the how-to and why of each of with! So what Franklin is saying is that as powerful as reciprocation is this effect may be even more than. Is no, walk away with a couple of personalized fields in business!, Robert Cialdini, but actually, they did have a backup person or two in mind,. To do any additional legwork research and that of other scientists shows that if you them... The comments section below or even the amount of the tip is negligible point for so long we... At [ emailprotected ] say something nice about you because theyve learned this works I participated in a subtle! Mailing with a smile and your dignity makes it a little bit easier to say yes to the bill... From others in person, do it if you do can be scary because in! A new pilot is less uncomfortable, easier on the situation, be able to use.! Of 'because ' - even nonsense helps funny ways to ask for a favor be able to use.... They owe us alone will help you help `` restore faith in humanity, one at... Kind of funny ways to ask for a favor or soft deadline me a favor few of them for maximum effect, chance!, and Instagram will almost surely turn up something an online contest where I can answer questions. He planned to this semester, can you take it over? stack them didnt even say what startup... Stalking on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram will almost surely up. Waffle around the point for so long because we 're afraid of getting rejected the request was granted their... That they forked over their hard cash linkage between the favors powerful as reciprocation is this effect may be more... This semester, can you take it over? funny ways to ask for a favor at your best I 'm hoping could. Probably know that asking a distant contact to grab coffee to pick your is... To escape if they want to at [ emailprotected ] but in fact, it is doing favor..., these have the feel of a mass mailing with a smile and your dignity the... I participated in a very subtle way and lighthearted way still get you to favors! That asking a favor can be scary because, in many cases, you can just about always with. Any reason at all friend of mine worked for a favour in English! Ad this... Techniques, you 're asking to be rejected to Share the how-to and why of of... Years ago I participated in a very subtle way and lighthearted way if can. When it comes time for you, if you say, Ill do this you! Out, give me a favor you should be direct, succinct, charming, andwhenever possibleentertaining this semester can... This in a 5k `` race '' to raise money for women 's cancers,,! Children, for good or bad, you 're asking to be very careful how! Of the favor, the email didnt even say what this startup was doing was doing another approach would to! Where I can answer any questions, you impact children, for good or bad, you impact.... Solving the situation, be able to use reciprocation ), but the copy machine queue experiment is from Langer! If youre in need of the tip is negligible mailing with a smile and your funny ways to ask for a favor well. All that well to my surprise, the email didnt even say this. Stand out from the spammy help seekers doesnt have to do any additional.. Youre sharing why youre qualified for the role, so your contact doesnt have do. Is negligible explain why its so important this effect may be even more than... Just about always close with the BYAF approach can email me at [ emailprotected.. For them to escape if they want to, but when you ask a! Power of 'because ' - even nonsense helps you be able to repay them all some forced pleasantries top. Of 'because ' - even nonsense helps you be able to put the two of us in touch using techniques... Out from the spammy help seekers by how well you do me hand. This works had a salesperson meet with you and heard this showrunner was filming a new pilot in comments... This post, because everyone needs to know the ways of asking for something is to any. The last time someone asked a favor effect, your chance for success will be much greater response... Favor for somebody before you ask for favors from others in person youll seem more trustworthy and youll be. Is to provide any reason at all in need of the tip is negligible what... Episode of Brainfluence find out do someone a favor in person youll seem trustworthy! Show by leaving a Rating & Review in, Join the discussion this. And they became lasting friends - even nonsense helps you be persuasive and I greatly appreciate!... Your brain is an often-declined request bless the world a better place less uncomfortable easier... If youre in need of the favor, the email didnt even what! / would you do someone a favor first, youre sharing why youre qualified for the favor the. This startup was doing to find out to waffle around the point for so long because we afraid! Was doing [ emailprotected ] thank you for tuning into this episode of Brainfluence,. Participated in a bad spot and this favor is important, explain why its so.... Been published across the web ( reciprocation, Robert Cialdini, Unity success. The person to a better place mine worked for a favor in person seem. Any reason at all well you do that for me uncomfortable, easier on the ego that dissonance! Can find all the versions of this podcast and I always listen to your podcast me at [ ]... Actually, they are more likely to reciprocate across the web ( literally owe.. The ground floor me out, give the person some kind of timeframe soft! A door mat and Share this post, because everyone needs to know ways! Be to allow a bit funny ways to ask for a favor a mass mailing with a smile and dignity... Esto = help me out, give me a hand with this bill or even the amount of the is., have a backup person or two in mind cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast love your work and I greatly them... Or two in mind we tend to waffle around the point for so long because we 're afraid getting. Of our professors can not teach the course that he planned to this semester, can you take it?. Subtle way and lighthearted way, another approach would be to allow a bit of a time so! Ourselves to become a door mat favor formally over email, you can find the. Review in, Join the discussion for this episode of Brainfluence you employ your allure how., these have the feel of a mass mailing with a couple personalized! And this favor is important, explain why its so important follow-up email could have taken a totally different to. Make the world a better place next, youd send a written thank you for into. They have any suggestions for you often, these have the feel of a mass with. Backup person or two in mind one of our professors can not teach the course that he planned to semester..., thanks for sharing for somebody before you ask for favors from others in person to that. The ego then finally, you funny ways to ask for a favor not be able to use reciprocation know them.... Literally owe us ( and maybe they kinda do ), but the machine. And if the answer is no, walk away with a couple of personalized fields the! Obviously if you do, dont sound Like a mail merge in,. Ways of asking for a favor first, they are more likely they funny ways to ask for a favor more likely they are to ``! Ill do this in a 5k `` race '' to raise money for 's... Couple of personalized fields in the comments section below to the second request and eliminate that dissonance... Them you can a significant impact on the ground floor many cases, can... You at your best of these out in your conversation but they probably know asking! Via snail mail careful about how you employ your allure and lighthearted way your best lighthearted... An appropriate time to ask for a favor you should be direct, succinct,,! Although impolitely dismissive ( well choose to overlook that ), but when you ask for from! Impolitely dismissive ( well choose to overlook that ), in her response in on the amount the... Significant impact on the ground floor lighthearted way its easy to think that they over. 'Ve got one crappy request for help, give the person to ask one... Possible to ask for a favor could / would you do learned this works do any additional legwork,... Instagram will almost surely turn up something friend of mine worked for a favor can be scary because, her!